Someone sent this to me and I just had to share. This is too funny! I don’t know who wrote it, but I’d be happy to give credit where credit is due. Enjoy.

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Home Eating a Threat to Public Kitchens?
State Allows Growing Trend of Eating At Home
April 13, 2099
Reunited Press

After much heated debate on the house floor, legislation was passed today to allow a growing number of families to cook meals for their families in their homes. The children must have annual physical examinations to assure proper growth and weight gain. Attempts to require weekly meal plans and monthly kitchen inspections were voted down.

A spokesperson from the National Association of Nutritionists (NANs) condemns this decision. “These children are being denied the rich socialization and diversity that is an essential part of the eating process. Without the proper nutritional background, it is impossible for the average person to feed their own children. We, as child advocates, see this as a step backwards and speak out for the sake of the children who cannot speak for themselves.”

Homecooking parents say the benefits of eating at home include increased family unity and the ability to tailor a diet to a particular need. Elizabeth Crocker, a home cook, states, “We started cooking and eating at home when we realized that my son had a severe allergy to eggs. The public kitchens required him to take numerous medications that had serious side effects in order to counteract his allergy. We found that eliminating eggs was a simpler method and our son has thrived since we began doing so.”

After this experience, the Crockers decided to home cook for all of their children, and converted their media room into a kitchen. Elizabeth says, “We have experienced so much closeness as we have explored recipes and spent time cooking together and eating together. We have a dining circle with other families where we sometimes share ideas and meals together.”

The Crocker children have done well physically under their mother’s care, weighing in at optimum weights for their ages and having health records far above average. It should be noted that Mrs. Crocker, while not a professional nutritionist, has a family history rich with nutritionists and home economists. “Surely the success of the Crocker children is due to the background of their mother,” responded the spokesman from NANs. “The results they have achieved should not be viewed as normative.” Mrs. Crocker counters that her background was actually a hindrance to the nutritional principles she follows. “Our paternal great-grandmother was a home economist, but she prepared most meal from pre-made mixes. In our homecooking we try not to duplicate public-kitchen meals, but to tailor our meals to the needs and preferences of our children.”

In a related issue, legislation is in committee that would provide oversight for the emerging homecooking movement. Says the Home Eating Legal Defense Association (HELDA): “We want to provide umbrella kitchens to aid parents in the complicated tasks of feeding their children. Many families lack the expertise of the Crocker family, yet desire to eat at home. As we have seen, the umbrella kitchens meet the needs of all concerned. We are happy to provide this service.”

Heather and Marcy hadn’t seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn’t anyone special in her life.

Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.

“He’s perfect. He’s handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I’ve been waiting to hear a man say to me!”

“He said ‘will you marry me’?” Marcy asked.

Heather replied, “No, he said ‘put your money away’.”

Had to share this.

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.

2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.

3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.

4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.

5. Yours is always the only child who doesn’t behave.

6. If the shoe fits…it’s expensive.

7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.

8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.

9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn’t want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings,
staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn’t notice her. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy’s little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, “Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?” Timmy nonchalantly replied “Yeah, I know who she is”. The friend said, “Well, who is she?” “That’s just Shirley Goodnest”, Timmy replied, “and her daughter Marcy.” Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us”? “Well”, Timmy explained, “every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, ‘Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it!”

May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today, and always!

This funny arrived in my mailbox this morning:

My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. “I know,” he replied. “It’s a fad me and some of the guys started.”

Weeks later, as the style persisted, I commented, “I can’t stand it! Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you.” I gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair.

“Yeah,” he said smiling slyly. “All the girls do too.”